Part 2 of a 2-Part Series: How to Have Superhero Confidence!
By: Kathy Kent Toney, President of Kent Business Solutions
Photo by: The Lazy Artist Gallery from Pexels
How many of you have made a big mistake that dented your self-confidence and then it took a long time to get it back?
If you’d like to learn how to recover more quickly, you’ve come to the right place!
Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Isaac Wambua, a speaker, coach and owner of Synergy Business Solutions. He spoke on the subject of how our past affects our self-confidence. He’s back this week to continue the discussion. This go-around he’ll give us some strategies and tactics on how to increase self-confidence…on demand.
Kathy: It’s great to have you back, Isaac!
Isaac: it’s great to be back!
Kathy: One thing I've seen frequently, and even with myself, is people can be so hard on themselves and that can really decrease self-confidence. For those who judge themselves too harshly, what advice do you have for them?
Isaac: That hits home for me, too. That hits home for me, too. I'll tell you what you can do, based on my experience, but before I do that, I'm going to tell you a story.
When I started my business seven years ago, I did it part-time for two years. Then I decided to go full-time in 2016. And I wanted to go big. I wanted to launch this business in one piece, letting people know in town that I was in business. I think I was a little bit cocky!
For the launch, I decided to put together a big event at the Marriott. I had a good number of people to show up. I brought in a few other speakers, but I was the main speaker.
As the event unfolded, according to me, it was horrible…especially my session. It was all recorded. Later, I tried to watch it, but I couldn’t do it.! I kept on putting it off for a week and that stretched into months.
Guess how long it took before I watched that video? Six months! I didn’t want to, because I was so scared. I didn't want to watch myself messing up and embarrassing myself in front of people. It really messed with my self-confidence.
I remember during those six months I got a few clients here and there, but I didn't have the confidence to go out there. I didn’t realize how much not watching that video affected me!
Finally, I decided to sit down and watch it. And let me tell you this…it was one of the best presentations I had ever done! To think that I had been beating myself up for six months! Instead, I could have used that video for marketing purposes and could have gotten more business out of it.
This whole thing taught me lesson. It's not as bad as we think it is. And sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly, more than anyone else. The people that attended told me it was great, but because it was stuck in my head that it was a very bad experience and a very bad presentation, that’s what I truly believed.
So, for those who are too harsh on themselves. This is what I will tell you…it's not as bad as you think. We judge ourselves too harshly. What you need to do is to take those mistakes in stride. We’re all going to make mistakes, but don't be too hard on yourself. You are learning and growing, it's an experience every step that you take. Even when you think you've messed up, it’s taking you somewhere. So just step out there and be okay to even make fun of yourself!
My speaking coach once told me: “Isaac, I want you to go out there and make a big, big mess. Just embarrass yourself, use the wrong words, if you want. Use the wrong body language.”
What I'm telling you is this…don't overthink it. Just do it. And that was some of the best advice I've ever received. So, for those who are too harsh on yourselves, you can lighten up.
So often, we worry too much about what people are going to say or think about us, but this is the truth: what people say about you is an opinion. An opinion can be changed, but what you say about yourself becomes the truth…it becomes a fact. So, be careful about what you say about yourself. So, in short, just get out there and do it!
Kathy: I just saw a quote the other day and it said something along the lines of not worrying about what other people are thinking about you, because they're thinking about themselves.
Isaac: That’s so true! They’re not even thinking about you, the whole time.
Kathy: And sometimes it's just so easy to get stuck in your head. What advice do you have for people who get stuck in their head too much?
Isaac: I would tell them not to think about themselves and use affirmations. The word “affirmation” comes from the word “affirm”, which is to confirm that this is who I am. We said last week that confidence is an ability…it's a skill. So, there are two things you can do.
First, you always have some kind of a potential within you that you can cultivate. So, tap into that…affirm to yourself.
So, these are some of the affirmations you can tell yourself.
Second, know that it's a process…nobody is ever born with a skill. Since self-confidence is a skill that you develop, you're working on developing it every single day. Every time you get in front of people and you present for two minutes, even when your hands are shaking, you're growing. Every time you put together a blog and you get scared, because you think nobody is going to read it, or at least two people are going to read it and criticize you…remember, you are growing. At some point in time, you're going to wonder…how did I get this confident? My advice to you is to just keep going.
Kathy: I love the idea that it’s a process…it’s something we're going to work on for the rest of our lives.
That will be wrap for today. Thanks for joining us today, Isaac! I certainly learned some great tools to use to grow my self-confidence.
Isaac: Thanks for the opportunity!
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